hunt for the wilderpeople (2016) shows us that we’re worthy of love
all sorts of love
Hello 2026! I’m a month behind, but I took a beat in January to get my shit together for the coming year. I’m so glad to be back! After a month of no posts, I’m excited about what I have planned for February. I’ll be sharing a post every week about the very broad topic of love. All sorts of love.
Even though Valentine’s Day is just the one day, February can sometimes carry the burden of romance both in its build-up and throughout the month. I wanted to write about films demonstrating lots of different ways that we experience and pursue love. Today’s post focuses on our worthiness of love as well as chosen family. Next week I’ll write about The Lovebirds which is a movie asking what it takes to go the distance in our romantic relationships. Then the third week in February I’ll write about Someone Great, which is about heartbreak and friendship. And last but not least, one of my favorite rainy-day films, Life Partners, teaches us how to hold our friendships dear throughout life’s changing rhythms.
my favorite heartwarming movie
I’m really excited to write about today’s film because it touches on an issue that is close to my heart, namely kids in foster care. It’s one of the sweetest films ever: Hunt for the Wilderpeople, directed by Taika Waititi. If you want to watch a heartwarming film that doesn’t feel cringe or make you roll your eyes, this one is a pretty good bet.
I’m taking a stronger editorial stance in this post because I’m going to try to persuade you to see things my way. I don’t normally take that approach because all of us come from such different places that I have a hard time feeling convinced that my way to see things is the right way. But I feel pretty good about the case I’m going to make today.
challenging conventional wisdom about love
There is a particular piece of conventional wisdom about love with which I have qualms. I’m going to offer a controversial opinion, but not the kind of controversial opinion that will make things awkward between us. In the spirit of Wilderpeople, it’s a heartwarming controversial opinion.
I disagree that you have to love yourself before loving others or that you have to love yourself before being able to accept love.
There. I said it.
Hunt for the Wilderpeople is going to help me prove my point.
ricky baker: a foster kid finding connection
Hunt for the Wilderpeople is the story of Ricky Baker, a Māori kid who has been wending his way through the foster care system in New Zealand. Shortly before his 13th birthday, he lands at what seems to be his last and final option because, as his caseworker states rather bluntly, “Ricky, there’s no one else who wants you, ok?”
It’s a rural farmhouse butting up against the New Zealand wilderness, living with Bella and Hector. Against all odds, it’s a great fit. Ricky and Bella connect. It seems Ricky Baker is finally home. She even writes him a pretty great birthday song.
when the story really begins
loss & survival
In my post about the song “The End of the Movie” from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, I talked about how where you call cut in a story can really change the experience. Wilderpeople is a great example of what I mean. Ricky and Bella’s relationship is fodder for a great story. If Waititi had called cut when Bella puts Ricky to bed, saying “So happy we found you buddy. Sorry it took so long,” he would have had an inspiring movie on his hands.
But alas, we’re only 17 minutes in at this scene. Shortly thereafter, Bella dies of a stroke, and Ricky finds out it’s back to the system for him. He runs away into the bush, and Hector has to go after him. And that’s when the story actually starts.
ricky & hec’s complicated bond
What follows is months on the run: Ricky and Hector and their two dogs, hiking through the bush, hiding from the law. It’s not an easy relationship between Ricky and Hec. As much as Bella sung about the three of them being a trifecta, Hec was always a bit stand-offish, and he never connected with Ricky like she did.
In fact, one of the reasons they are stuck in the bush for so long is that Ricky mocks Hec for not being able to read, which prompts Hec to chase him, only to trip and fracture his foot so badly that Hec’s not able to hike out for several weeks. By the time the pair are able to get moving again, Child Welfare Services has discovered Ricky is missing and assumes Hector has kidnapped him.
Paula, the intrepid Child Welfare Services representative, is relentless in her quest for Ricky. But she’s not motivated by any kind of affection for him. When she leaves him with Bella and Hector, she describes Ricky as “a real bad egg.” She says of Ricky, “We’re talking disobedience, stealing, spitting, running away, throwing rocks, kicking stuff, defacing stuff, burning stuff, loitering, and graffiti. And that’s just the stuff we know about.” Finding Ricky seems to be more a matter of pride and an opportunity for her 15 minutes of fame as she hits the airwaves to spread word of the manhunt.
Ricky Baker, the fearsome vandal
worthy of love, no matter who you are
Ricky is not a wanted child. A kid his age – cycling through foster homes with no family and no parents who are hoping to bring him back home – is in a bad way in real life. He’s the kind of kid who ages out of foster care and enters the foster care to prison to homelessness pipeline.
It’s a tall order to tell someone with this history that they need only to love themself in order to find or accept love. It sends an underlying message that it’s your own fault that no one loves you. The message is that love is earned. There are about 400,000 youth in foster care in the United States, with indigenous children like Ricky over-represented in foster care in many countries. That’s a lot of kids we’re expecting to figure out how to love themselves when they are systemically being taught they aren’t loveable.
I don’t think I have to make a very strong argument about Ricky Baker, and kids like him, being worthy of love. I’ve never met someone who has no empathy for young people in this position, so I don’t need to keep driving this point home. You get it. These kids – and the adults they become – are worthy of love, no matter how many things they kick and rocks they throw.
being loved teaches us to love
So where did this conventional wisdom come from? This conventional wisdom that in order to have love or accept love, you need to love yourself first? It is true that many of us engage in behaviors that sabotage our relationships, which I think is what this “wisdom” is referring to. Ricky’s past behavior tells us a story of potential self-sabotage and creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of being too much trouble to deal with.
But being loved by Bella changes Ricky.
It makes him feel safe, and he sends it back to her. He stops running away and begins engaging with her authentically. And he sends it back to Hector, who Ricky continues referring to as Uncle, even in their worst moments.
Ricky Baker isn’t the only person in Wilderpeople who is difficult to love. Hec fits the bill as well. He’s closed off and cranky. Not forthcoming with his feelings and a poor communicator. Short tempered. But Bella loved him, for exactly who he is. In one scene, Hec gives us some insight into her:
“Bella didn’t have any family. Like you, like me. That’s why she wanted to look after you. And took pity on me. She wanted to save us poor wretches when no one else wanted us. Like rescue dogs. That’s the way she was. Heart of gold.”
I would argue that Bella’s love also changed Hector. And because he knew what it was to be loved by Bella, he was able to figure out how to love Ricky, another person who is difficult to love. Throughout the film, Ricky creates haikus, which a therapist at one time said would help him process his feelings. As the end of the film approaches, Hec shares his own haiku:
“Me and this fat kid:
We ran, we ate. And read books.
And it was the best.”
What we learn from Wilderpeople is that being loved may be the very thing that teaches us we’re capable of loving others and that we’re each worthy of love. Not the reverse, that first we must love ourselves.
What do you think? Did I make my case for my controversial opinion?
just to reiterate: you’re worthy of love
I don’t think I can reiterate it enough: you’re worthy of love. Just as you are. Here’s my favorite David Bazan song “Trouble with Boys” to back me up:
free therapy opportunity
One last comment on my way out the door this week. I’m a volunteer therapist with the nonprofit A Home Within, which is an organization that connects people who have been through the foster care system with free, weekly therapy. If you’ve experienced even one day of your life in the foster care system and would like to connect with a therapist, you might consider checking out A Home Within. They’ll let you know if you qualify.
Love yall, grateful for yall. See ya next week to talk about The Lovebirds.
Thank you for reading! I’m Trina, and I’m a therapist in Texas. I wrote this post myself using my own words and ideas. I used AI to help me optimize titles, headings, keywords, and meta descriptions for SEO purposes. AI also gave me some tips on how to share this post on social media. I will always let you know if/when/how I use AI in my blog posts.
If you’re in Texas and looking for a therapist, give me a shout. I’d love to learn more about you and your story.
